Monday, January 4, 2010

Yes, I read your blog....

Yes, I read your know I do. I haven't forgotten you, Babe, I just can't forget a love that true. sure, I been peepin in on you, reading your poems, wishing for so much more. Wondering how you are really REALLY doing there, and wishing that we could connect again. *sigh* But I know you got to protect yourself, and I didn't do a good job the last time.

I wish I had made a different choice, I wish that I hadn't done what I did...with all my heart I wish this. But we make mistakes, and I made a big ass mistake by leaving you. I got scared, I ran. I let myself get influenced by others, I told myself - and you - a big fat lie. But I truly wish it had never happened, cuz you were my one true love in this life. If only....

How could I forget your hair, your skin, that laugh and those eyes? I keep locked in my mind the memories of your smell, your taste, the feel of being with you, in you, that way you looked at me and melted my heart over and over again. No one ever made me feel the way you did. No one ever had the love from me that you still have.

My life was upside down at the time...I got scared about the way I felt so deep for you, and how I fell sooo hard, and about your kid (ashamedly). The incidents with her frightened me, I tried not to show it, but then I just freaked. I used it as an excuse to run, to leave you and tell you a lie...I wasn't really seeing someone else - it was YOU all along, but I just plain ass got scared.

I guess you are happy least I really do hope that you are.....but still I wish that you and I had really given it the go that we had planned....damn stupidity. *sigh*

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